i permit you to call me
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
