so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
