I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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