the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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