she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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