What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize