I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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