I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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