I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
