You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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