she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
