I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
