Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
