I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
