my phone needs a breathalizer
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
