making cat noises will not fix the situation.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Randomize
