Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Randomize
