and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
