everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
