Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Randomize