Me. At least after what I've been through.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Randomize
