turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
