i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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