No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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