All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
