If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
there was a trapeze. enough said
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Randomize
