Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
