Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
