is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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