Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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