everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
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