If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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