He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
