I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
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