Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
