I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
