the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Randomize
