I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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