we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
