***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
