i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
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