shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
