she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Randomize
