honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Randomize
