I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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