he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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