the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I accidentally burped into my bong.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
