whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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