So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
