Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
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