Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
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