You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Well I just put wine in my tea
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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