This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Sorry my hands just texted you
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
