I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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