i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
