so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
