Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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