I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
