Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Congratulations! We have a period
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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