these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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