last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
