I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Randomize
