that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
accomplished twins. life is a go
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
