Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
