you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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