Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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