if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
