She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Randomize
