I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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