ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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