Your mouth is God's brothel.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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