none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
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