We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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