I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
