yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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