u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
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I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
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