A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
