i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
