In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize