no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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