Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
