i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
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And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
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Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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