just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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