I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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